On April 26, 2024 my best friend of over 50 years, Lucy passed away from metastatic ovarian cancer. She was 52 years old and died 6 days after her birthday and 6 days before my 52nd birthday. Although her diagnosis was terminal and I knew that (she was diagnosed in September 2020). I was not prepared to lose her, though I knew it was going to happen. We discussed her thoughts, feelings, and concerns about her dying as well as mine. No matter how much you discuss someone you love dying I don’t think you’re ever truly prepared or ready to let them go. To say that I was devastated the day she died is an understatement. I don’t think I have ever felt as much sadness as I felt that day and the months following. I am still sad over her loss and will always be, but the intensity of my sadness has slowly lessened over time. I am not a particularly spiritual person, however the day that Lucy died I began to see a red cardinal at least once a day. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then it occurred to me that I was continuing to see a red cardinal because it represented Lucy. I would see a cardinal most frequently at home or in my neighborhood, but not always. At first I would see a cardinal daily, and as time has progressed I have seen a cardinal several times a week, or once a week, or a couple of times a month etc. For at least the first several weeks following Lucy’s death, seeing a cardinal would immediately cause me to break into tears. However, over time I noticed that seeing a cardinal no longer makes me tear up and most of the time I now smile whenever I see a cardinal. I consider a cardinal my “glimmer” because for just that brief moment of seeing a cardinal I am able to think of Lucy and smile and feel her presence and actually look forward to seeing another cardinal soon. Lucy was amazing person and was a perfect example of an authentic life well-lived. She was incredibly giving of her time and philanthropy and was loved by many. I hope that 5785 brings me closer to continuing to live my life with her as my example of how to live and be.

-Jen Duben